It’s awful when you have to deal with someone you don’t trust. But you know what’s even worse?
When the person you don’t trust is yourself. 😳
Have you ever felt like that? I know I have.
Maybe you’ve been working on a goal for so long, and you finally feel like you’re so close to what you want. And then a little voice in your brain pops up saying something like “You’ll never make this happen. You mess it up every time! This won’t be any different!”
Of course we’re always the hardest on ourselves. You probably (hopefully!) have people in your life who will cheer you on and tell say “You can do this!” Still sometimes our fear feels really true. 😬
Failures are something we all encounter on the road to success. If you’re failing, you’re making progress! Still, we have to acknowledge that self sabotage is the real deal. As strange as it may sound, if deep down inside we don’t feel truly safe in reaching a goal, our subconscious minds will scramble to protect us from it.
Whether it’s having a great relationship, more money, a fit body, a successful career, or something else; if obtaining it threatens our inner sense of love, safety, or belonging, we’ll keep finding a way not to have it.
So if you’ve been struggling with something (for what seems like forever!), self sabotage may be why. And it is a terrible feeling, because how do you get over a lack of trust in yourself?!? And how do you make sure this time really is different? Let’s go through five steps to help you breakthrough and gain back your self trust, once and for all!
1) Forgive Yourself
When you realize you’ve been caught in a loop of self sabotage, it can be frustrating. Maddening even! “How have I seriously messed this up again!?!” Believe me, I’ve been there. 🤦♀️
First, have some compassion for yourself. You’re not a screw up. You’re not incapable. Whatever you’ve done in the past, even if it didn’t turn out positively, realize there has always been a positive intention behind your actions.
“Um… like how?” you may be asking. Well, that’s something you have to ask yourself! But I’ll give you some examples.😜
For instance, a person may sabotage their own weight loss efforts because they fear the attention that comes from looking “too good”. Someone else may struggle with holding onto money because they were raised to look at people with a lot of money as evil. By having too much money, they would risk becoming an outsider… and so, they don’t! 💸
So ask yourself, what positive intention is behind your not having what you want up until this point? How has staying stuck kept you “safe”? Recognize it, thank yourself for your fine efforts 😆, and give yourself permission to let go of those efforts and move forward.
2) Make Friends with Your Intuition
When we struggle, and especially when we don’t trust ourselves, we often look for an expert or outside source to tell us what to do. Of course sometimes we really don’t know what we don’t know. 🤷 And learning from someone who has been successful in what we want to do only makes sense.
The problem pops up when we keep searching for the perfect method, or tidbit of information that will be our key to success. We think it’s only been so difficult because we are lacking in knowledge, when usually the truth is, we already know exactly what to do.
For instance, when I get to thinking my pants are feeling a little too tight, I start looking for something to fix it for me. Like a new workout program. Or a Peloton bike. Guys, it’s true that I need a Peloton bike!!! 🤩
But is my life really going to be transformed by dropping 2K on a bike? Or could I just stop eating snickerdoodle ice cream and use one of the many workout programs I already have? 🤦♀️ See? I already know what to do. I admit, I have everything I need. (Ahem, admitting is a big part of this.)
So ask yourself, what do I need to do to move forward? And then listen to the answer. You may want to sit with a pen and brainstorm a little bit. If there’s something you know you need to do, honor your intuition by doing it.
3) Set Up Accountability
Sometimes when we’ve messed things up (again, lol), we feel embarrassed. We don’t want to tell anyone we need help because we’re ashamed. We feel we should be able to fix things on our own, and so we don’t tell anyone how much we’re struggling.
The truth is, even though we know what to do, having support and accountability in place can help pull us through. Needing that doesn’t mean we’re a failure, it just means we are human. We weren’t made to go it alone.
If you aren’t convinced, consider that the most successful people have coaches to keep them on track and help them meet new goals! If top CEOs and 7-figure earning entrepreneurs need support and accountability, why shouldn’t you? 😉
4) Set Yourself Up for Inevitable Success
So you’ve started to forgive yourself, you know what you have to do, and you’ve found a friend, family member, or coach to support you along the way. But it’s scary because you still don’t trust yourself to follow through! 😩 Let’s start by setting you up for inevitable success!
First think about that thing your intuition says you must do. Can you commit to one small action step that will move you forward? Now, what obstacles would prevent you from taking that action? And how can you remove those obstacles before you hit them?
For example, let’s get back to my Peloton bike/ Snickerdoodle Ice Cream conundrum. 😅 The Peloton is postponed until we move into our new house. And I always say I am not buying anymore ice cream… until I’m at the store and I’m tired and the kids are whining and “hey, it’s on sale!” so I’ll buy five. 🙈
I can set myself up for inevitable success by picking a workout I already have available, and planning to do it first thing in the morning. I’ll write it in my planner so I know exactly what days I’m exercising and what time it needs to happen. I can rope my husband into the plan, and participate in a Facebook fitness group for extra support. Oh, and I’ll order my groceries ahead of time to be brought to my car, so I’m not tempted to add on unhealthy extras. Sounds like a plan, huh? 😎
5) Celebrate Small Wins
Instead of honing in on perceived failure, look for what you’ve done well. Acknowledge your progress! Congratulate yourself on all those little areas where you’ve had wins, or at least put forth effort. What we focus on we find more of, so put your focus on celebration instead of condemnation!
If you have a hard time admitting you do anything right, make a practice of journaling every night what went well that day. Even if it’s just congratulating yourself on doing the dishes or paying the bills or getting out of bed, it’s something, and it will get your brain working with you instead of against you. 😉
It may not happen over night but with time and with effort, you’ll regain your own confidence and trust. And while we may want to overhaul everything at once, baby steps are important in preventing self sabotage. Hustle doesn’t do us any good when it’s shortly followed by Freak Out and Burn Out. 😱🙅♀️
Be kind and patient with yourself. If you fall back into old ways, pull up this article on your Pinterest (you did Pin it, right?) 😜 Start back with Forgiveness and work your way forward. You’ve got this!
So which of the steps towards trusting yourself despite feelings of failure resonates most with you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments! Thanks for reading!